Emotional Intensity.

The scribbles of my thoughts

I hate introductions, so I'm going to keep this short! 

I am a musican
I am a singer
I am a uni student

 I am someone with emotional intensity disorder! 
I am also not a good writer ... so this should be fun!
    

 This blog is mainly for me to write out all the crap that goes through my head and hopefully raise awareness of what its like to be a young person with a mental health issue.

So read ahead if you wish! 

What is Emotional intensity disorder ( BPD)

This explanation is personal to me and won't describe everyone's symptoms or experiences, it depends on the individual. 

Emotional intensity disorder is sometimes referred to as BPD or borderline personality disorder. I often refer to my illness as emotional intensity, as I feel it describes my symptoms much better.

In a nutshell, Emotional intensity disorder (EID) consists of sudden mood swings that can change within days or hours. 

I tend to go from one extreme to another, for example, feeling very low and upset to then very erratic and excited. I also tend to have an unstable sense of myself, the relationships I have with others around me,as well as a fear of abandonment. 

All of my symptoms seem to link together. 

On a bad day, something as simple as someone not replying to a message can trigger me into an"episode"- I start to think I have upset this person or done something wrong - which then leads to that fear of abandonment and an unstable sense of self.

I start thinking I am a horrible person and my intense emotions kick in!! 

After I have had a really bad episode, in which my emotions are so intense i am out of control, I often cant' remember much of what I said or did. 

In these moments I tend to get very violent towards myself and feel guilt after i come back round from my episode.

However EID does have its positives! 

Like any illness there is ups and downs, although i have my low moments, when im in a excited or "up" moment i am more productive and creative and i channel this energy into my music as a performer and a writer- its just about managing the energy in a healthy way. 

I am also a very loyal friend who is very sensitive to other peoples moods - this is a blessing and a curse as i tend to assume things but on the flip side i am great at sensing when people need to talk. 

Life isn't easy- it throws all types of shit at us that we have to learn to deal with. And thats what im trying to do - I'm going on a journey to expand my knowledge of myself and the world around me, with the support of my family and friends; as well as my on going journey with spirituality, yoga medication and therapy! 

It wont be an easy journey but i am sure going to learn a lot! 

So now you know a bit about my Amazingly weird brain i hope you continue with me on my journey about what its like to be a young person with EID. 

  xxx